Jared Lloyd makes Lee Benson look like W.C. Heinz

Remember the other day when I lambasted Lee Benson for having an uninformed, totally one-sided column on why the hiatus of the BYU-Utah Football game was completely Utah's fault. Yeah, after reading Jared Lloyd's column for the Daily Herald, I feel I need to apologize to Mr. Benson, because at least Lee Benson's article didn't come off like a teenage girl's Facebook Wall after she'd been dumped. Sadly, comparing Jared Lloyd's article to teenage angst is about the highest praise I can muster for this... this... I guess it's an article, but it seems like more passive-aggressive drivel.


Anyways, let's take a look. Shall we?

When University of Utah athletic director Chris Hill announced on Tuesday that the Utes would not sign up to play BYU in football in 2014-15, it wasn't a complete surprise. 

Many thought a hiatus between the rivals was inevitable.
But now that I've thought about it for a few days, I'll call it what it is: One of the worst sports decisions ever made in the state of Utah.

Really? Hell, it doesn't even crack my top 15 for the last 20 years. What's my top 15? Glad you asked.
15. Building a soccer stadium with no parking, which is also a good country mile away from a Trax stop
14. Weber State hiring John L. Smith
13. The BYU fan who tried to fight a Utah male cheerleader and got his ass kicked
12. Bringing back Raja Bell
11. The Haka
10. Drafting Raul Lopez in the first round of the NBA Draft
9. Jim Boylen
8. Having BYU Vice Presidents use the term "chinamen" around Norm Chow.
7. Giving Andrei Kirilenko a max money contract
6. Trent Plaisted thinking he was good enough to get drafted and leaving college early
5. Ray Giacoletti
4. Rick Majerus and his phase of naked Yoga
3. Gary Crowton
2. Utah State Football from 1997 to 2009
1. And this video:

I didn't even list the worst decision made in the state of Utah. How is putting a game on hold for two years on the same peg as an irrational decision to leave your conference in reaction to your primary rival making it to a legitimate conference. All the while, opening the door to playing at the whim of ESPN who will schedule you at the "who gives a sh*t, it's still football" Wednesday shift. All the while you're playing four to five decent games a year, with the rest being against WAC and FCS flunkies. 


It's alright though, people all over the world can watch BYU play football through the power of BYUtv. It's one of those channels that most people skip over since it's usually grouped with those crazy Christian channels that are only humorous if you're completely high or wasted.

The simple fact is that football fans here deserve to have the Utes and Cougars square off every year.

Is it just me or does this come off as douchey? Deserve? I don't feel anyone deserves to have to go to Provo, that's just cruel.

If you hadn't heard, Utah is now playing in the "vaunted" Pac-12 conference and it signed a home-and-home contract to play Michigan during those two seasons

This is such a dick comment, especially for the quotation marks. It seems that BYU fans are still so blinded by jealousy that they are trying to pull down the Pac-12 from their pedestal. Yet, I bet that most BYU fans would sell one of their 12 children to be apart of that conference.


The Pac-12 has 21 Football national championships. Every conference that BYU has been a member of has had only one (Bet you can't guess who's) or two, if you include TCU's from 1938. It's funny that a BYU supporter can imply that another conference is weak, since for most of BYU's history, much of their success comes from them being the big fish in a small pond (read, Western Athletic Conference 1977-1999). The glory days were really fun until you realize you were beating on UTEP, Rice, and Tulsa. I bet the history of 1984 would be a little different if BYU was a member of the Pac-10, the SWAC, or the Big 8.

Apparently that means taking on the Cougars as well would be just too arduous for the mighty Ute football program

I bet you want more than just that. OK, Utah has won seven out of the last ten, including drubbings like last year's 54-10, 2008's 48-24, and 2004's 52-21. BYU hasn't beat Utah by more than a touchdown since 1996. Which was arguable the best BYU team in their history. Yeah, I'm sure Utah is just terrified of BYU.


The reason Utah doesn't want to play BYU is that there is no gain to it, no benefit, since I'm sure Utah doesn't need to travel to Provo for the recruiting benefits. Yet, with such limited room for scheduling, the opportunities to book other storied programs, like the deal with Michigan, means that sometimes sacrifices have to be made. Just like when Utah suspended the series with Utah State to play Notre Dame in 2010. It happens, and the benefit for recruiting by playing a Michigan is marginally better than playing BYU.

"I did not think it was fair to our football program to schedule BYU on those years," Hill said in a statement released on Tuesday. "Our intent is to continue to schedule BYU unless unusual circumstances dictate otherwise." 

Oh, shut up.

Well, I'm glad we're showing our maturity, asshole.

Is this football? 

Or is it just more of the ridiculous politics that have decimated the true spirit of the sport?

I don't think BYU has done anything to help cultivate that "true spirit of the sport." Like when they threatened to sue due to being shut out of the BCS in 2001. Thank goodness Hawaii saved us that spectacle. Or more recently, there was that conference shuffle where BYU almost joined the WAC as a favor to Utah State, only to bury the knife in USU's and Karl Benson's back. Not to mention their only real incentive to continue this independent charade is the money from ESPN contracts, but I'm sure their motivations are pure. 


BYU is just as much a player in the game as Utah and Pac-12 are. And as Omar from The Wire said, "It's all in the game, yo."

I hate seeing it corrupted by the same type of petty bickering and meaningless generalizations that have taken over the halls of government.

If only we could combine the two to fix each other...

Don't think I just blame Utah for this. 

This is the same attitude that leads coaches to lobby for BCS inclusion and for some schools to play non-conference cupcakes so they have a better shot at winning a title.

Heh, cupcake schedules. (Read, 1984 BYU Football)

At its heart is greed and spite, two things that simply don't belong on the gridiron. 

That's why Texas and Texas A&M have split and why the Backyard Brawl between Pitt and West Virginia appears over. It's why one of the great annual games for a kid like me who grew up near Denver is also history (between Nebraska and Colorado).

 Greed and spite were the two reasons BYU went independent, I don't see why BYU is looking to get rid of it now.


And yes, seeing some of those rivalries are sad, afterall Texas and Texas A&M hate each other so much that they are referenced in each other's fight songs. Yet, this gives another opportunity to find new rivals and rebuild old ones. Utah and Colorado played each other almost every year from 1903 to 1962 and now we get to see that again. Personally, I'm excited by that and after last year's game, I already hate them.

Yeah, the Utes aren't alone in ignoring tradition- but just because everyone else is doing it wasn't a valid reason in high school and it's not valid in college football either

What do you mean it wasn't a valid reason? I wore American Eagle sh*t my entire high school existence, because everybody else was doing it. Conformity was the main social trait of high school. Why do you think I went to seminary?

This decision reeks of laziness, spite, and fear. 

It sounds like Utah is too lazy to find a way to make the rivalry continue every year. 

It sounds like Utah is so proud of the fact that it doesn't need BYU to be nationally prominent that it's determined to spitefully show it anyway it can.

Or it's an athletic director making a financial and long term decision that is in the best interest of his program. I'm sure Chris Hill would love to continue the series, but it just isn't in the cards for a couple of years. The spite is frosting on the cake, though.


Also, is it just me or is that last statement that Utah doesn't need BYU to be nationally prominent smell of self-importance. Utah hasn't needed BYU for a long time, don't get me wrong, the Cougars did a lot for the WAC and later the Mountain West to build support for the mid-majors. But in this century, Utah has stood for themselves and made themselves into a power without the help from Provo. BYU didn't help them in 2004 or 2008 for their BCS runs.


Actually, I think BYU needs Utah a whole hell of a lot more than Utah needs BYU. It's like a crazy girlfriend. She thinks she's better than you and does nothing but talk bad about you and treat you like garbage, but once you break up with her, she can't live without you.

And it sounds like the Utes are afraid, not of BYU like some have suggested, but of the unknown. 

Like some have suggested? You mean like how you suggested it in the fifth paragraph of the story? Dick.


And I don't get the whole being afraid of the unknown bit. Utah and BYU have played since 1895, I think it's far from unknown territory at this point. Good Hell, Jared, cut down on the cliches, especially if they don't make any f*cking sense.

What I mean by that is BYU, Michigan, and any of the Pac-12 teams could be terrible during those seasons; they also could be great. No one knows how difficult such a schedule will be. 

That's what makes scheduling so challenging — but such an unknown shouldn't overshadow just going out and winning football games, which is what it appears to be doing.

I don't get this at all. Scheduling is tough and Michigan could suck in 2014. So you should just continue to schedule BYU, who could also suck, but we're rivals so we have priority in the "scheduling prospects of teams that could possibly suck next year." Doesn't every school go through that?


"Hey skip, I know we scheduled LSU, but it donned on me that even though they went to the national championship last year, they may somehow suck."


"Oh, sh*t, why even bother? Let's just drum up our old reliable and inferior rival to sure up our schedule."


The difference is in recruiting. When you stroll into a kids house, you cans say that you went to Michigan and gave a good game in the Big House and hopefully won. That's a bit more impressive to an 18 year old kid than kicking BYU's ass in Lavell Edwards Stadium for the umpteenth time.

Every team in the country should play good opponents and conference opponents and RIVALS every year.  

Then they should quit the worrying, strap on the pads and see how good they are.

Why is rivals in all caps? Is Mr. Lloyd think we wouldn't get the point? Also, I don't think I want to take scheduling advice from a BYU apologist. I mean, I enjoy Moscow, Idaho and Las Cruces, New Mexico as much as the next guy, but not for football.

I've seen Ute fans defend their athletic director's opinion by saying Utah needs to play Michigan more than it needs to play BYU. 

I've also seen Cougar supporters try to take the "glass half full" approach by saying at least there are games that are on track to be scheduled in 2013 and 2016, so the rivalry isn't completely dead. 

Such justifications seem wimpy to me

 Utah playing Michigan is more important than playing BYU. It's all about the long game, and this is more likely to help Utah get better recruits and compete in the Pac-12. Playing BYU doesn't do that. And it's only for a couple of years. I'm sure Utah will be more than happy to beat the hell out of you in a couple of years, but only for a two-for-one, I mean, we're a Pac-12 program now.

Don't they realize that every year since 1922 where both schools have fielded a football team, these two teams have played each other? 

Not only have there been dozens of classic games — especially in the last 20 years — but it's also become a yearly tradition that is etched into the fabric of life in this part of the country. 

It's by far the biggest annual sporting event in the state. Only the 2002 Winter Olympics and the Jazz going to the NBA finals in 1997 and 1998 could possibly be considered more dynamic.

Since 1922? I'm surprised that Lloyd would acknowledge history prior to 1977. Also, the Holy War is a great spectacle, it's a big game for both teams and has provided a lot of great moments for fans. But do you know what else would be great? A Rose Bowl or a national championship, which both happen to be Chris Hill's endgame. Beating BYU used to be the primary objective for Utah, but we broke through that barrier into something bigger. Much, much bigger.

BYU-Texas or Utah-Michigan might be more important for a brief moment, but they don't come anywhere close to matching the overall long-term importance of the BYU-Utah game to this region. 

Of course, no matter how wrong I think it is (or how right others think it is, for that matter), it looks like it's going to happen.

Well, it's a good thing no one is killing it for the long term.

So here's the nightmare scenario for Hill and the decision makers at Utah: 

In 2014 or 2015 (or, even better, in both seasons), the Cougars go undefeated against a solid independent schedule while the Utes have a single loss to a good opponent.
How crushing would it be for Utah to possibly get shut out of a playoff spot or a big bowl by the rival they refused to schedule, particularly if the Utes had enough talent to feel like they could've beaten BYU?

Yeah, I'm not really worried about those prospects. First, BYU going undefeated and taking a spot in the Rose Bowl or the BCS Playoff (whatever the hell it's called)?





Second, BYU hasn't gone undefeated since 1984. They show no real improvement to get them over the top and they face opponents like Texas, Boise State, and Nebraska. Teams that will, more likely than not, pulverize the Cougars.


Third, if Utah loses out on a spot to a team that has the credentials, so be it. They earned it, but do you think BYU is going to get the nod by scheduling a bunch of WAC and Sun-Belt scrubs?

I hope that happens.

I bet you do.

I hope the recent breakdown of the Pac-12 vs. Big 10 matchups open up more scheduling holes

Could be, but if Utah gets a call from a Florida or an Ohio State, be prepared to be shelved again.

I hope the Pac-12 finally gets smart and either moves to 16 teams including BYU or allows the Cougars and Utes to play at the end of the season. 

Seriously, you're not going to the Pac-whatever number, and November is kind of busy for Utah, since they're still in a conference and don't have schedule holes to fill with horrible WAC schools.

I hope anything and everything happens which would be ncessary to make this rivalry return to its former annual greatness.

Got a time machine? Since, there is no going back. Utah has eclipsed BYU in football and as much as BYU fans want to feel like the superior program again, its hard to when you're playing Idaho in your home closer  and Utah is playing Washington in Seattle that same day.

Because like I said earlier, the fans of college football in Utah deserve to have this game to look forward to every single year. 

Like I said earlier, no one deserves to go to Provo. I wouldn't wish that on my worst enemies.


 I should know better than to try and find journalism in the Daily Herald's sports section (save Jason Franchuk, he's a good journalist and I have no idea why he's at the Daily Herald).

Ain't No Self-Importance Like Deseret News Self-Importance, Because Deseret News Self-Importance Don't Stop.

While I was reading the Deseret News (which is where I get all of my material; seriously it's like the BYU version of North Korean Propaganda) I saw an article by Amy Donaldson about Penn State maybe cancelling this year's football season. Nothing new, that's been passed around a lot lately, since you know, they were kind of involved in enabling a ancient pedophile have free range on their campus What struck me about it was her arrogance in her article. It seemed like it was nothing more than her taking a victory lap for being right about a horrible situation. 

It starts off with a standard rundown of the events that occurred and the recent developments, then it takes a turn when she wrote the following:

I got a few emails on the subject because last November I wrote a column about how the university should handle the remainder of the 2011 football season. And while I acknowledged there were reasons to keep playing, I suggested the reasons to cancel the remainder of the season were more important. I wrote:
For me, it came down to one question: Are we our brother's keeper?

...

 That coaching staff shouldn't coach another practice or game until university officials finish their investigation.
Then and only then, will it be time to play again

Let's just say I didn't get a lot of support back then.

WELL I SHOWED THEM! I WAS RIGHT THAT JOE PATERNO WAS A LYING SACK OF MONKEY SPUNK!

Alright, some people didn't support killing a university's cashcow until there were actually findings and a burden of proof which was confirmed in independent investigations and in a court of law. I want to punish someone for it, but I feel we should make sure we're making the right decision before King Solomon cuts the baby in half.

Let's continue:

Should they get rid of the football program? Not permanently, but definitely for the next two years. Every coach associated with the program needs to be fired. None of them have clean hands. If they did they'd already be gone. The players will suffer, and I am extremely sorry for that. But innocent people are already suffering because Paterno and company allowed Jerry Sandusky to use the program to victimize young boys.

Sh*t, let's just nuke the state of Pennsylvania while we're at it. I'm all for suspending the program for a couple of seasons or even giving Penn State the death penalty for their gross lack of institutional control, but I'm sure there are a few of those coaches that actually didn't know what was going on and were just as shocked and dismayed by it as much as the public was.

I know it's nice to be on that high horse, Amy, and tell people to quit their jobs because their bosses were complete pieces of sh*t, but some of those guys still have families to feed, and you can't feed your family with good, but overall empty, gestures. 

The people who were directly responsible for allowing Jerry Sandusky to get away from justice for so long are paying the price. The athletic director and school president are facing the heat and a probably prison time for covering up Sandusky's crimes. Hopefully they'll get serenaded with Pink Floyd, just like Sandusky did

The sad thing is that you can't do anything to Joe Paterno anymore, I mean unless you're down for some corpse defacing. Which under the circumstances, has me looking for decent shovel. Then again I hate manual labor so I'll probably just settle for my own fantasies of Joe Pa in Hell. Mmm... He's cooking good.
http://www.deseretnews.com/article/765590077/I-stand-by-my-statement-Penn-State-shouldnt-play-football.html?pg=1

The End of the Holy War and BYU's Wailing and Gnashing of Teeth: Starring Lee Benson

It finally happened, the University of Utah won't be pursuing games against BYU in football for the foreseeable future. This leaves BYU in a peculiar position, since it seems Utah has outgrown its in-state foe and continuing the rivalry shows no positive attributes to Utah's success. In short there is nothing to gain for playing BYU and scheduling limitations in the PAC-12 give only so many slots for out-of-conference games that Utah has to fill, especially with the home and home deal Utah signed with Michigan.

Pretty cut and dry that the move to end the series for the 2013 and 2014 series is in the best interest of Utah and Chris Hill's decision will be looked by the media and BYU fans in a rational and understanding light.




Aww, who am I kidding? Enter Lee Benson, columnist for the Deseret News, who wrote an article on the supposed end to the Holy War with such hyperbole and angst that I'm going to critique it in fine Fire Joe Morgan style.






 Chris Hill and the Utes have killed off the Utah-BYU football game.

What's next? Christmas? The Fourth of July?

 Chris Hill wants to end Christmas and the Fourth of July? Glenn Beck was right about people who work at those fancy book learnin' places! NOT IN MY 'MERICA!


*TURNS ON TOBY KEITH*
*PUNCHES A MINORITY*

Things I thought I'd never see end in my lifetime: the Soviet Union. Newspapers. Utah-BYU.Freedom killed one. The Internet is killing the other. Chris Hill killed the third.

Huh, I guess with the passing of time, ideas and technology become obsolete and get cast aside in favor of things that are better for the strongest and most stable. That being said, comparing the end of the Cold War and the technological revolution with the end of a football series for only a couple of years is up there with Nick Saban comparing a loss to the September 11 attacks. 


One can only hope that Newspapers dying will cut down on the amount blowhards who have a popular medium for people to continue to express downright stupid opinions. Then there will only be Fox News and ESPN left to deal with.

 Are you kidding me? Utah not playing BYU? What are people going to talk about at church? 

I don't know, maybe they could talk about religion; besides it's not like the teams are disbanding, BYU fans will still be able to get their smack-talk about how they handled Idaho while sharing their deeply religious experience of seeing Chad Lewis outside the stadium.

And who's going to tell LaVell Edwards?

You could have the cougar from that BYU commercial tell him, it seems like they're pretty chummy.

This is so wrong on so many levels it's hard to know where to start. The BYU-Utah football game is as integral a part of the fabric of the state as four seasons, dry air and Mount Timpanogos.

Along with pollution, reactionary politics, and Kevin O'Connor's ill-fated draft picks. 

It's like shooting a seagull. Like re-zoning Delicate Arch for condos.

Great job Lee, you just spoiled the agenda for the Utah Legislature's next session.

  Chris Hill's been here a long time. So has Kyle Whittingham. They know this. What the Utes are doing is nothing short of abandoning their culture.

Shouldn't the culture for any team be to win? Compete for championships? Grow as a program and progress to another level of competition? Sure, but you need to take BYU's feeling into account first. 


Also, what culture are they talking about? The perceived culture that BYU is better than Utah and Utah should only strive to play second fiddle in the state? Yeah, I think that's dead after the conference alignment and last year's drubbing. 

The Utes went Hollywood faster than the Beverly Hillbillies. They've been in the Pac-12 what? One Year? And already they can't see their past on account of their wraparound shades.

They took the good fortune and fantastic timing that got them into the Pac-12 and threw away the rearview mirror.

The Utes got into the league because A) Texas didn't want to, B) BYU won't play on Sunday, and C) Kyle Whittingham runs the best football program this side of Tuscaloosa.

Oh, this is another one of those "Utah was a silver medal" arguments. If only Texas' attempt to join wasn't more than an attempt to blackmail the rest of the Big XII into giving them a bigger slice of the pie and the PAC-12 actually wanted Texas. It's just so hard to grasp that the PAC-12 actually wanted Utah, BYU fans always have to add those "Yeah, but..." to Utah's ascension.  

BYU had the better overall program. Any sports follower in the state knows that's been the case for decades. If BYU and the University of Utah were countries and they held an Olympics, BYU would be Germany, the Utes would be Lithuania.
For decades the two schools were in the same conference. BYU won three times as many overall championships as Utah in the Mountain West Conference — or anyone else. And few would argue that it was BYU's emergence as a football power in the 1970s and 1980s that motivated the U. of U. to step up its game — and make it interesting to a big-time league like the Pac-12.

BYU would be Germany? I'm trying to come up with a Jesse Owens joke involving slow, white guys. It'll come to me later.


It still amazes me how many BYU fans and members of the media still think football began in Utah in 1977. Overall, Utah has 24 conference championships, BYU has 23, along with it being tied at four a piece in the Mountain West Conference. Oh, wait was that about all sports? That's pretty irrelevant in an article about a football game. Then again, it is pretty hard to compete with all those men's volleyball championships, since like only 20* teams exist in the NCAA


(I pulled this number out of ass, due to laziness)


Also, within the last decade Utah accomplished something that only Boise State had before. Not only did they go undefeated twice, they won their BCS games. I think BYU almost did something like that, but I forgot how that turned out. 

Oh yeah...


It just seems to me that BYU is like Norma Desmond in Sunset Boulevard. They've faded from their prime in the 80's but they still seem have delusions that the college football world still revolves around them.

If any school deserved a call-up to the next level, it was the Cougars.

See, this is the entitled attitude that ensures BYU will never get that invitation. Plus, it's bigger than just athletics, some conferences like the PAC-12 actually look to schools who are research institutions, like Utah, unlike BYU. 

But life isn't fair and college football isn't even close. You have to seize your moments when they arrive, like Utah did when it joined the Pac-12, and no one in the state is unhappy they did it.

"I'm not unhappy, I'm just wildly passive-aggressive about it."

 But the Utes know it was their move that started the dominoes falling that caused BYU to decide it needed to become a football independent to survive. That put the Cougars in a position where it's imperative that quality programs fit them into their schedules. If that doesn't happen, they're sunk.

Utah caused BYU's scheduling problems? Nothing like blaming your problems on someone else. Besides, how was BYU going independent have anything to do with their survival? If anything they were more stable in the Mountain West, they're playing the same teams they played since the old WAC with quality programs like Fresno State, Nevada, and Air Force.


Let's look at their independent schedule: 



Half quality programs, half football playing jokes. Yep, it looks like they've ensured their survival by scheduling home-and-homes with San Jose State, Idaho, and New Mexico State. Ah, the sign of a quality program; the ability to have WAC basement dwellers come play at your house; just as long as you play at their place as well. I can smell that national championship now. 


Then again, maybe I'm not giving BYU enough credit. That November schedule looks rough, I mean, they're going to have a hard time locking up that WAC championship. 

And now … now this. The Utes are saying we'll fit you in when we can. They opened the door and tossed their old running mate to the curb.

You mean like when BYU dropped Utah State from 2002 to 2006? Besides, what would have happened if the scenarios were switched. Do you really think BYU would keep playing Utah if BYU was the one that ended up in a BCS conference and scheduling room became a little more tight? Get real. 


Plus is there anything funnier than BYU talking about loyalty. Does anyone not remember how much they screwed Utah State and the WAC in the midst of the conference struggle? Well, the internet does.

Of course the big loser, like always, is the fan. Just another kick in the teeth. Add it to the $5 Cokes and the late-night starts because the game's on ESPN.

Yep, Utah fans are going to so heart-broken about not playing BYU. I mean, I will always miss the vileness and vitriol that I've experienced in the past in Provo. I'll always cherish those memories of BYU, like when I saw a man scream to Utah fans, "Go back to Salt Lake with the faggots and whores." The general attitude at these games have made me not want to attend these games; not because I'm overly sensitive, but BYU fans' dickishness just piss me off. 


With all the bitterness in the series that I've experienced, I don't think I'd shed one tear if they took the series behind the barn and put a bullet in its head. 

Fans never have the final say. For years, if they polled them, they'd have voted for a national championship in football in a second.

Irrelevant anecdote is irrelevant.

 Same thing here. If they polled college football fans in Utah, the BYU-Utah game would never die.But in 2014 and 2015 it will be dead, for starters. The Utes killed it. Is nothing around here sacred?

What's sacred to one man, is utter bullsh*t to another. It's articles like this that make me happy Benson's not the Jazz beat writer anymore