Game Day: A Reflection on BYU Fans

Those of us who bleed Utah red, we must ask ourselves, where would we be if we didn't have those tunnel-singing, bitter, and all around daffy fans of the school in Provo? I firmly believe that without the Cougar fans, players, and coaches, college football would not be as fun as it currently is.

This isn't because they give a rich environment to enjoy a game, it isn't because of the mountain, it isn't because of the spirit that Lavell Edwards created. It's because BYU is just so damn easy to hate.

Never has there been a larger group of ignorant, socially inept, arrogant, and bitter group of fans in college football, thus making them the pariah of college sports. The only thing worse than that, is the fact that they revel in these distinctions. They love being hated, they love being the "moral light" of college sports, and they love to use that hatred to create a martyr complex when they don't get their way. (read: BCS, 2001)

Some of the examples of this behavior I have witnessed at BYU are quite humorous and even a little sad. The first example that I can think of occurred in the midst of the turbulent Crowton era. An exceptional Colorado State team featuring Bradley Van Pelt was looking to crush a mediocre, at best, BYU team. To enjoy the possibility of BYU getting destroyed, several Utah fans would attend the game, waiving one of those cliche Mastercard priceless signs, mainly in an attempt to draw a response from the bitter BYU fans.

In the 3rd Quarter, with the game was well in hand for Colorado State, those fans would indeed receive the wrath of those BYU fans. While enjoying the spectacle, I witnessed one of the greatest meltdowns of a sober fan I've ever seen. A man, whom I'm sure is a decent, church-going man, would give a murderous scream towards the Ute fans, "Go back to Salt Lake, with the faggots and the whores."

That happened over seven years ago and I was 13, it has stuck with me for a long time, mainly because you don't witness that much pure hate in a single statement in public, if ever.

I'm sure there are some BYU fans who can escape the lemmings effect and avoid being such a humorless prick that is filled with rage, but those that are have ruined that team for me. I just can't stand BYU.

Let's Legislate Up In Here

It's only once in a blue moon when my duel passions meet. My love of college sports and my continued support of pandering in our legislative branch. When they combine it creates a thunderstorm in my heart and mind that must be proclaimed from every mountaintop.

By the urging of BYU Alum and Utah panderer, Senator Orrin Hatch, the Senate Judiciary Committee will be taking a look at the BCS system. Yep, it may the thing needed to stop the mad money machine once and for all. Think about it, baseball was all but fixed after Congress dragged in a few steroid-using scumbags to show as an example as to why you don't use the juice. After the hearing (both of them) we never had another problem with performance enhancing drugs. At all. The end.

Who knows, maybe Hatch has a case. Since Hatch is seeking to use Anti-trust laws he must be able to show. That the BCS gave an unfair advantage to other schools. Good Hell, that's like proving Ashton Kutcher is a douchebag. It's pretty easily done. Even if Hatch can prove it and pass some sort of bill stopping the BCS, which won't happen, thanks to those souless bastards known as lobbyists.

The BCS will never go away, no matter how many times people complain about it. It's like how many times the cops tell me I can't go near the nursing home following the "incident" but they'll never stop me, not until I'm done smothering ever last one of them... uhh... with kisses. Yeah, kisses.

With The Next Selection, The Utah Jazz Select...

Eric Maynor, Virginia Commonwealth. A guard who can shoot, but unfortunately lacks defensive skills, which is lacked by... well, everyone on the Jazz. AK can play D in small bursts, only when he cares.

I swear that the Jazz only draft in stereotypes now. I have only seen them taking tall, white, and European players; or small, fast shooters. There is no middle ground on this. Look at the last few years. Fez, Kofous, Brewer, Allmond and now Maynor.

Maybe they should pick up a small forward at some point, mainly because Kirelenko and Brewer are not small forwards. I know I might sound upset, mainly because I think one of Stuart Scott's eyes said something anti-semetic to me. I don't blame Scott, though. That eye has a mind of its own.

Hey, the NBA Draft is on Thursday. Yay... I Guess.

The NBA draft is a special time in the Summer when you get to see college athletes have their dreams realized, only to see them go up in flames when they are drafted by the Thunder.

Then you got to see the awkward silence and looks of despair on the faces of 19 year olds who thought they were "Ballin'," only to find themselves drop well into the second round. As a person who feeds off of human misery, I enjoy this greatly. Plus, where else are you going to see that man-troll David Stern jabbering back and forth with ol' cross eyes, Stewart Scott. Boo-yah.

Then again, it is the only game in town when it comes to sports, well, it's either the draft or a riveting match-ups of interleague play (Who isn't excited about Baltimore-Florida?). Honestly, there really isn't much to do, besides seeing what player your NBA team will be sending to the D-League, never to be heard from again.

Then again, the Draft does have its moments. Who could forget about the fix that got Ewing to be a Knick or the coked-up class of 1986. Or best yet, Sam Bowie, the rancid meat in between the Olajuwon and Jordan sandwich and giving the Blazers an excuse for a good 20 years.

Maybe This Guy Should Cool It.

I was just made aware of a blog post on a another blog entitled "Cougar Crazies." Yep, buckle your seat-belts, we're going to be seeing what is probably the most inconsolable and desperately sad zoobie I've ever heard of.

After Saturday's loss to Utah, I imagine many of you are still cognitively curled up in the fetal position wondering how to go on. I COMPLETELY understand. Boy do I ever. I eat, drink, and breathe BYU football.

I was a full-bore fan in 2001. Gosh was it fun to watch the wins pile up. I read everything online, went to every home game, and of course joined everyone else in the stands in chanting "BCS!" after BYU beat Utah. Unfortunately, two weeks later, I watched the Cougars get romped by Hawaii. Everything that was accomplished that season was flushed down the toilet. I vividly remember storming out of my college apartment and swearing to never give a crap about BYU football again.

Of course my sworn statement didn't last long. I followed the Cougs in the years to follow, feeling like a million bucks when they won and feeling like a piece of garbage in hell when they lost.

I think back to the Boise State loss of '04, when Payne's field goal was off. I was watching the game with my girlfriend and we were supposed to go out to dinner after the game, but after the loss I told her I didn't feel like it and I went home and sulked. We broke up about a week later.

I think back to the Utah loss of '05. After Beck's pass fell to the ground I said every (yes, I mean EVERY) word in the book and stomped my "Y" megaphone into pieces.

I think back to the Arizona loss of '06. It was the first game I watched as a married man. It was also the first night I slept on the couch. Yes, I was that upset.

Most recently, I think back to the TCU loss of '08. It was the biggest and last nail in the coffin of all the BYU losses I've suffered. It absolutely destroyed me. After it, I went a full week without watching a single college football game, reading a single college football article, looking up a single score, or listening to a second of sports radio.

I went into a deep, dark cave. I would wake up every morning with a nauseous feeling in my gut. Forgive me for the comparison, but it was like the feeling you have after you lose a loved one. I'd be going about my day well enough, then suddenly I'd have this horrible sensation that would crawl through my viens and deep into my heart. The though that the loss really happened and that the season was all over was almost too much to bear.

I know my description may seem like a complete exaggeration, but it isn't. That TCU loss was too much. After that week of hell, I had a heart-to-heart with myself. I knew I couldn't go on with my life knowing that every year BYU would lose at least one game and I'd then spend seven absolutely miserable days suffering for that loss.

I needed to figure out how to enjoy college football regardless of how the team I associated with fared. When BYU lost I hated college football. I also needed to figure out how to be a functional human being when the team I associated with lost. When BYU lost I was an emotional wreck.

I didn't come to a particular conclusion, but I knew I needed to realign my fanship. Then came the recent loss to Utah. I was rather upset after the game, and I wondered how the following days would go. I spent some time that evening wondering how I could carry on until the pain went away. At that point I thought about Bronco's comments after the loss to TCU. I thought of how he committed to enjoy wins more. If he and his team beat the crappiest D-II school 50-0, he was going to celebrate like a mad man with his players in the locker room.

Why? Because a school that recruits kids that have to meet rigid honor code and academic standards and puts proper representation of a school and church above winning games should be loving every win it can get. That's right. The majority of BYU's athletes would be lucky to start for a Junior College. On paper, they have no business competing with the best of the FBS--let alone hanging in the top 25 rankings.

Late Saturday night, after the Utah loss I vowed never to look over the significance of a win--regardless of who we'd play. I woke up on Sunday morning feeling just fine. Suddenly the ten wins of the season seemed so sensational that they more than overshadowed the two losses. I realized that when you take wins for granted, and don't enjoy one game at a time, a large streak of wins becomes meaningless after a loss. The wins appear more like stepping stones leading up to a devastating loss, rather than great victories in and of themselves.

So that addresses my new-found joy in wins. What about losses? Personally, I'd rather lose with the Bronco Mendenall and his band of brothers than win with Kyle Whittingham and his group of players.

That's right, Ute fans (as well as anyone else who has or will beat BYU). You may have put more points on the scoreboard, but that doesn't mean you beat us. We Cougars have some things you'll never win: tradition, spirit, honor.

Wow, that is really some crazy there. From stomping his "Y" megaphone, to allowing a game (Yes, it's just a game) to affect his romances. This man has showed that he cannot control his emotions and shouldn't be allowed to roam in public. I usually imagine guys like this like to dress as Cosmo for Halloween, wearing his little furry suit.

Is it September Yet?

The Summer is a great time of year for most sports fans. You have the NBA Finals, Stanley Cup Finals, and the Major League Baseball season is kicking into high gear. The only problem with all that is after basketball and Hockey are over, there is only baseball to hold your attention and if you watch every baseball game, you are either boring or insane. Either way, for a sports fan, it can be a boring time. Hell, they even televised the MLB draft. Luckily, we still have football on the horizon. So, until September it looks like we are going to have to be strong and wait it out.

If any of you tell me that soccer is still going on, I'm going to throw you down a flight of stairs.